Friday, August 26, 2016

Out of the Mouth of Jake

 Oh Jake, you make life fun! You make me laugh!  What in the world would I do without you?  I love the selfies you left for me on my camera.
 Don't worry I am still keeping a list of the both wonderful, crazy, out of nowhere sentences and questions that come out of your mouth.
The highlights from the past couple years......

I was made in China.
I'm telling you the truth I wear a wig. I really have brown hair.
Godzilla wears a bikini.
I'm getting married on Christmas.
I had to tell someone Adam and Eve were not monkeys.
 There can't be aliens because God made us in His image.
I know how it works, you burp when you drink pop because the bubbles go up, if the bubbles went down you would fart.
Why do people have other religions?
I don't want to be a cool kid because they jump off stuff and break way more bones.
Does Talli have an online best friend because she takes college classes on the computer?
When you die what does your body look like? I want my body posed with my hand under my chin,
or my hand in the air like "hey girl what's going on!"
I don't like when grandmas say no like when they say I can't play a game and I have to clean.
I'm so muscular, I can't stand it.
Clinton was horrible because he wanted all schools to wear uniforms.
I made an "I love God" club in school.
If I get in trouble I don't care....If a teacher calls just say okay.
I think Jesus is coming back in 2040.  I'm tired of waiting.
I bet Jesus put the most beautiful fish in heaven. 
Brett won't have diabetes in heaven.
I want a pet tiger shark.
I want a giant steak in heaven.
I want my house to be a color I can't even imagine in heaven.
 I think Brett came up with "your mama" jokes.
If you pull your ears out like owls you can hear 2 miles away.
My last name is Ford.
I'm going to spread anti pickle propaganda.
If I lose my arm will it grow back?
Why did God make fish? I know so I can go fishing.
I want a pool that connects to the ocean so fish will come to my pool but I will need a tranquilizer gun for the bull sharks that will swim in. 
My fish died...can I get a boy sea monkey? They give birth.
I bit myself because I got bored.
I wish I could hibernate.  I would be like a squirrel and be so big I couldn't fit upstairs. I would dream for 2 months.
That cow could easily jump that fence.
If you are putting a dog to sleep, and you accidentally stab yourself with the shot will you die too?
What would happen if you put a giant fish to sleep?
Why can't you spell hallelujah like holaluya?
Kids are kissing in my class. They aren't even married.  I'm going to hang out with the dad before I ask if I can marry a girl that way he knows me.
When I am sick I dream of numbers and my dreams go fast.
What do I do when I am really sick and want to kiss you but don't want to get you sick?
I wish I was born on Christmas then I could share my birthday with Jesus.
I'm naming my kid Jesus Ryan Cavanaugh
One day I was thinking about how to tell my friend about Jesus, then we talked about Him.
Every time I need to learn something God lets me hear it.
If we put feathers on our arms can we fly?
Why can't you stick your finger through one ear and out the other?
When I was little I thought there was a little drum in my ear.
I would be fine if the Grinch was in my class.  I almost cried when he was bullied as a baby.
If I close my eyes really tight like this I can't hear.
What if my great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather wrote the bill of rights?
Sometimes I wish a could walk and pee like an animal or at least have a diaper.
Can we to to Canada and get Canadian bacon?  Then go to Alaska and try to find Russia?
Mom, I love your right after Jesus.  I love him more.
Wouldn't it be nice if cows were potty trained so it wouldn't smell.  They should go in trash cans.
What happens if your sweat explodes?
I want to move to the Mexico side of Texas so I can have real burrito.
If you have an ear hair can you pull it out your other ear?
If you think about your feet you have to stretch them.
When we get to the ocean I'm going to try to ride a shark while you guys run away.
In D.C. can I sit Abraham Lincoln's lap?
If I found a deer in our yard I would tame it to be my horse.
Why does it say y and z for the alphabet and not yz? 
What body parts do you not need?
Do you just rub the steering wheel or do you move it to turn?
Flowers are God's febreeze.
Do all animals have vocal cords?
Why wasn't I at your wedding?  I could of been your coordinator.

until next time......

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